Lately I have been eating a lot of foods that are giving me gas. It is the worst at night when I go to bed . There are times, when I am in bed and lift the covers and orange smoke drifts up to the ceiling. Sometimes it even leaves a stain there.
I always get into to bed on the left hand side, facing the right side. Sometimes during the night, I fall out of bed on the right hand side. It’s the gas that I am expelling, each time it moves me more to the right and in time, I find myself on the floor.
And I am sure you know what it is like having a large amount of uncontrollable gas, When it has to blow, it blows, welcome or not. You know just how embarrassing that can be, in a small crowd of people. They know it wasn’t them, so it has to be you. If we are in a cafe, I would call the waitress over and ask her to seat me at another table across the room. Then the other people, in the café, think it was someone else in the cafe that is stinking up the place.
If you are smart enough to think fast, get up and go to the person at the cash register complain about the odor and say I am not going to pay for this meal. Nine times out of ten, you won’t have to pay.
There are other way to get out of paying also, like finding a hair in your food or a fly in your soup, or even some ones false teeth. Be imaginative! Never say that you don’t have any money, no one wants to give charity in a place of business. Still, some people will even fake a heart attack or some other illness and even let themselves be taken to emergency room. You can even mention food poisoning or yell “Fire, Fire.” Run for your lives!
I once saw a guy having a false seizure, sometimes called a fit. Cafe owners, will move him or her out of the way quickly, so the other people will not be too disturbed.
Once you get to thinking, there is no limit to what you can come up with. The best way is to have a look on your face, That say’s; I am stupid, an idiot, brainless and don’t understand anything or just smile and grunt and try to hug or kiss the person confronting you. Being dopey, confused or on drugs will works wonders with most anything. Sometimes if you just yell and scare the hell out of someone, that will work for you. “Oh,” Try not to pull this stuff in the same place, they often remember you.
One more thing, none of this will work in an Italian café, Owners have to be able to understand what you are saying. But then again, there are times when you can say: No Speak-a- the language……….
May the Lord watch out for Idiots and fools.
I always get into to bed on the left hand side, facing the right side. Sometimes during the night, I fall out of bed on the right hand side. It’s the gas that I am expelling, each time it moves me more to the right and in time, I find myself on the floor.
And I am sure you know what it is like having a large amount of uncontrollable gas, When it has to blow, it blows, welcome or not. You know just how embarrassing that can be, in a small crowd of people. They know it wasn’t them, so it has to be you. If we are in a cafe, I would call the waitress over and ask her to seat me at another table across the room. Then the other people, in the café, think it was someone else in the cafe that is stinking up the place.
If you are smart enough to think fast, get up and go to the person at the cash register complain about the odor and say I am not going to pay for this meal. Nine times out of ten, you won’t have to pay.
There are other way to get out of paying also, like finding a hair in your food or a fly in your soup, or even some ones false teeth. Be imaginative! Never say that you don’t have any money, no one wants to give charity in a place of business. Still, some people will even fake a heart attack or some other illness and even let themselves be taken to emergency room. You can even mention food poisoning or yell “Fire, Fire.” Run for your lives!
I once saw a guy having a false seizure, sometimes called a fit. Cafe owners, will move him or her out of the way quickly, so the other people will not be too disturbed.
Once you get to thinking, there is no limit to what you can come up with. The best way is to have a look on your face, That say’s; I am stupid, an idiot, brainless and don’t understand anything or just smile and grunt and try to hug or kiss the person confronting you. Being dopey, confused or on drugs will works wonders with most anything. Sometimes if you just yell and scare the hell out of someone, that will work for you. “Oh,” Try not to pull this stuff in the same place, they often remember you.
One more thing, none of this will work in an Italian café, Owners have to be able to understand what you are saying. But then again, there are times when you can say: No Speak-a- the language……….
May the Lord watch out for Idiots and fools.
By; Ben R.
June 14, 201
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