" If they hang me"

If they ever hang me, it will have to be by my feet.

How to pet a snake, do it with a long handed hoe.

Do you know what it feels like to pet a crocodile , Help me with this zipper! and I’ll let you find out.

Can you cook without a book?  I can’t read small print I’m not domestic !

My High school didn’t have a 101 class.  Class 102 was given too late for me and mother wouldn’t let me go out,

Kids that can’t see, can’t hear either.

To eat a chicken, cook it first, page one in Betty Crocker’s book.

Never tell anyone that they forgot something, they will always remember that.

If your fart comes out sideways, it could hurt you !

I trusted the fairy once, but the fairy failed me twice the first time.

You can’t buy anything with money, not unless you turn lose of it.

I had silver in my hair and silver in my pocket, but she wanted gold!

If you hit some-one, with your car, run fast. Try not to count fence posts while you are running.

Never admit to anything, all cheaters lie. Little cheaters tell the bigger lies. Girls tell the biggest lies and blonds have no idea what they are saying. 

People in service, are suppose to serve, where is my supper?

Trouble never come a little at a time or a little of the time, it’s comes big, all the time.

What your mother never told you, would fill a library.

Act dumb and be a winner!  Losers always have to pay!

Lets go to your place, mine doesn’t have a bed or any food !

It’s cold when you are in Jail or the Mortuary, your choice?

She turned right and I went left, we met in the center, yes I was wrong, she was a woman.

We flew together, she spread her wings and went up, and I went to hell.

Remember when I trusted that Fairy, she had wings.

They closed and locked the doors, before church was over, I wonder why?

Never go so far that you can’t find your way back, signs keep disappearing.

My daughter is a twenty year old Girl Scout who poses for the Eagle Scouts, do they allow that and shouldn’t she be paid?

If you are too old to wear training pants, then keep your naked butt at home.

Lovers never leap together, one has to be pushed.

If you don’t have enough money, use a credit card, and spread the payments out at a rate of interest that is unknown to you.

You don’t always get cookies at Tea parties, but you can have all the crumbs you want!

My family was so poor, we only had one safety pin, we four kids has to share in wearing it.  Mother would have to lay the baby on the floor with out a diaper and at times, face down.

I’m tired, I quite…

Oct. 18, 2012

By; Ben R. ☺