My girl has flies…
And No, they are not pets. They buzz around and around like they were fighting over the territory. I checked and there is no manure piles of any kind around or close by! No, she don’t need a bath as she been in the shower for hours and smells fresh and has a fresh change of clothing. Could it be her shitty attitude that is drawing them flies. More than likely, she is one of them Democrats.
It was her birthday and I thought I would take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. I had them put flowers on the table and special table settings, when I made the reservation. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were shown to our table and had been seated when that swarm of Flies came, circling around above our heads.
Then other restaurant guests were complaining and the management ask us to leave. She had tears in her eyes as we were ushered to the door, as the head waiter was handing me a check they expected to be paid. It seems that there is always a cover charge. Of course, I refused to pay and the door man was called! He was doubling as a bouncer. He had my girlfriend on the ground and his hands were everywhere on her body. That was when I kicked him in his balls and he passed out.
As to who was right or who was wrong, the situation escalated, law enforcement was called to the Scene. The next thing that came into being, was the cooks with weapons in hand were taking sides and all the customers were leaving without pay their bills. The police called in a special squad and people were loaded on a bus and transported to the city police station, awaiting to be processed booked or let go. My girlfriend and I, were not taken into custody. Her ordeal with the doorman had her so excited with all the places he was touching her, she was smiling and all aglow.
However, the flies were still with her! The thought occurred to me, if I took her scuba diving, the flies couldn't’follow. That just goes to show you how much I know about flies. Not only do they have a thousand eyes, they are supreme swimmers and can hold their breath longer and dive deeper than any man. The cockroach has nothing over the common fly.
We had tried everything to rid her of those flies, the next thing would be to shave her hair off and it was a beautiful head of hair, long, soft and silky. That was when I discovered she was using oil on her hair, Peanut Oil and the flies loved it. Then someone suggested that Plum jelly be added to her hair, it would cause the flies to stick to her hair, then they could be picked off and destroyed. It seems that there is no end to bad ideas and people that think them up.
As time passed, our relationship diminished and she developed a strong interest in a doorman for a restaurant. I heard that they opened a bate shop for fly fisherman and that business was good. Now you can open your hymn book to page 552 and we will all sing: “Fly me to the Moon”
Ben R. Bauer
And No, they are not pets. They buzz around and around like they were fighting over the territory. I checked and there is no manure piles of any kind around or close by! No, she don’t need a bath as she been in the shower for hours and smells fresh and has a fresh change of clothing. Could it be her shitty attitude that is drawing them flies. More than likely, she is one of them Democrats.
It was her birthday and I thought I would take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. I had them put flowers on the table and special table settings, when I made the reservation. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were shown to our table and had been seated when that swarm of Flies came, circling around above our heads.
Then other restaurant guests were complaining and the management ask us to leave. She had tears in her eyes as we were ushered to the door, as the head waiter was handing me a check they expected to be paid. It seems that there is always a cover charge. Of course, I refused to pay and the door man was called! He was doubling as a bouncer. He had my girlfriend on the ground and his hands were everywhere on her body. That was when I kicked him in his balls and he passed out.
As to who was right or who was wrong, the situation escalated, law enforcement was called to the Scene. The next thing that came into being, was the cooks with weapons in hand were taking sides and all the customers were leaving without pay their bills. The police called in a special squad and people were loaded on a bus and transported to the city police station, awaiting to be processed booked or let go. My girlfriend and I, were not taken into custody. Her ordeal with the doorman had her so excited with all the places he was touching her, she was smiling and all aglow.
However, the flies were still with her! The thought occurred to me, if I took her scuba diving, the flies couldn't’follow. That just goes to show you how much I know about flies. Not only do they have a thousand eyes, they are supreme swimmers and can hold their breath longer and dive deeper than any man. The cockroach has nothing over the common fly.
We had tried everything to rid her of those flies, the next thing would be to shave her hair off and it was a beautiful head of hair, long, soft and silky. That was when I discovered she was using oil on her hair, Peanut Oil and the flies loved it. Then someone suggested that Plum jelly be added to her hair, it would cause the flies to stick to her hair, then they could be picked off and destroyed. It seems that there is no end to bad ideas and people that think them up.
As time passed, our relationship diminished and she developed a strong interest in a doorman for a restaurant. I heard that they opened a bate shop for fly fisherman and that business was good. Now you can open your hymn book to page 552 and we will all sing: “Fly me to the Moon”
Ben R. Bauer
2 comments:
That is funny. I like how you draw in the reader until the end and reveal the source of the 'fly' attraction.
Ben, you have a GREAT imagination. Love this little story.
Pam
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