"Two for one"

“Yellow Horse”, is a name of an Indian.

“Four roses, Three feathers and Seagram’s seven”, are names of whiskey manufactures. 

If you run too fast, no one can catch you, If you run too slow, they will give up the chase.

No one will offer a reward for a lost kid, but offer a reward for a lost purse or a billfold and your phone and door bell will be ringing.

No one is faster than a speeding bullet, except maybe a bill collector and the IRS. Oh! And the dog next door.

Things that you want to forget, you can’t. Things you want to remember, You forget!

When you set your clock back or ahead for daylight savings time, should you do it in the am or pm? What happens to those twelve hours if you are wrong?

Was ‘May West’ really born in the east? “Oscar Mayer” was born in Mil-walk-Key, Ill.   

A Winner Fizzle doesn’t mean anything here. But in Germany it means “Softy”

“Coon tang” means the Coon was caught! “Poon tang” refers to the thirteen year old.

If you are too dumb to learn, than you can’t remember, If you can remember some things, like how old you are. See, You even  lied to yourself!

One is never so pretty that they can’t get ugly. And if you are ugly, get a face lift. Be sure to bring your money along, Cash please!

Never sneeze or pee on another person. If you are under one, forget about the Pee on’s, you will be forgiven!  

Never lay down in a mud puddle unless you have your jeans on backwards. I don’t understand that one myself. Why would you want to lay in a mud puddle anyway?

If you find yourself in deep water, keep your head up high. Hope you took off your socks, They are four times as heavy when wet.

The handsome prince found the beautiful princes, laying on a rock in the field, she was naked, so he rode away. When you are a prince, you don’t take leftovers. But he did take one of her flowers!

Mother’s other helper, helps her with the dishes, he licks the plates clean and dries them with his tail. The cat just sets there watching and thinking, boy, is that dog dumb.

The best way not to have to do things over, is do it right the first time!

Understand this! Taking honey away from a bear, is not recommended.

If you look twice as old as, some ones else’s your age, Is that person younger or are you wearing make-up? Too much is not enough!

Save the world, stop spreading Bull Shit. Did you say something? Using garlic does not make your breath sweeter. It still smells like S   !

Are all the helpless, hopeless or just topless? I don’t understand this one either.

Find the “Will” and the money is yours. Just don’t put your hand in there! That’s what killed her!

Are you having fun ? Change the rules when you change the game and go put on

clean shorts.

You Idiot, it’s the horse in front of the cart. Not the horse in the cart!

Tap dancing is done with your feet, not your fingers!

You have to be in before they will let you out. and did you change your skid marks?

Never keep bad gas in a paper sack, use plastic,  Fresh air will not spoil or turn green!  If you are in over your head, make your arms go faster and kick your feet. Wet paper sacks will not help you float, who told you that? Identify and kill! 

Nov. 4, 2012

By: Ben R.