"I was smarter than a third grader'

I was smarter than a third grader, kid talk!

Yes I was, until a second grader started to teach me a few things.

I went home and found a few books, studied all week long and challenged the little smart ass again. Now I am ashamed to show my face anywhere, as the little bitch got me again. It was a war going on between her and me.  Her family lived on this side of the valley and my family lived on the hill side across the Valley.

Most first graders can tell you their name and hold up the number of fingers, that tells you his age. I can’t count, or do I know how to use my fingers.  And besides that, I can’t cross a street when I am alone. 

Did I mention that this little smart ass is female, I may be, one or two years older than she is, and I am getting tired of her being around as she embarrasses  me so much.  I’m thinking about going to an ocean and start swimming, then when I get so tired I’ll just let myself go under. No second grader is going to get the best of me!

One day I was throwing rocks at the moon and she told me that I had to stop. She said the moon belonged to her and if I didn’t stop she was going to tell her sister, who was a forth grader. She was kicking at me and we were rolling around on the ground and she had given me a few scratches and I couldn’t see out of one eye.

I gave her my best shot and she went running home crying. Now I am hiding in the cellar because a big brother is trying to catch me and says he is going to kill me when he does.

Well, this war has never ended, at least not between her and me. She has grown some and can run faster than I can. I got a big dog to protect me when I go some place, but he is always asleep on the porch when I need him. I have tried to end our feud, and have offered money, candy and flowers, but nothing has worked. I guess the only way out, is a marriage, but who can I find that will marry her?

By: Ben R.

Jan. 8, 2013