The Truth is never told!
Health care given by a special nurse. And I get this once a week. The routine is, she takes you pulse, counts your reparations. Checks your blood pressure, Takes your temperature . Listens to your heart and lungs and then come a thousand questions!
This goes on for any where from fifteen minutes to an hour, and then that one big question, “Did You”? A lot of people feel uncomfortable in answering this and some are even embarrassed. You were taught not to use bad words when you were young and this is one of the worst. What ever the answer is, you say it softly and mumbled so no one can really hear what you said. Some people are satisfied with you saying yes or know, but others want you to give a description or detailed information on it from the color to how much it weighed.
Then there are those that will use a cute way of asking you or maybe a code word like, Did you make a deposit today or Did you visit the sand-man today? There is no limit to the things I have heard and some I was never able to figure them out. But make no mistake, they will question you until you give an answer they will accept. I had decided that when I was ask again, I would give a story worthy of the Nobel prize and this is the way it went:
I had taken a laxative at bed time and slept well through the night. Early that next morning I felt that I needed to have a bowl movement, but it was mostly gas. This gas contained ether, methane, and a couple more strains of gas that the war department have been trying to create to kill the enemy. I was going to make a mad dash for the bath room. but someone had beaten me to it. I waited while this person humed tones, and splashed water around in the bath tub and done a hundred other things before they vacated the bath room.
Being it was the only bath room in the house, I had to go outside, out behind the shed,where there were ladders and a number of other items were stored. I position a ladder so my rear end hung down through the rungs and turned it lose. Man did that ever hurt, first I strained and grunted and groaned, until that first hard ball passed, then I blacked out for a bit. Now the second one was on it’s way. It was even bigger and harder, this one damn near killed me. But this wasn’t the end as yet. They came like the ripples of the water on a lake. There were more balls of fire and they got smaller as they were dropping to the ground. I have no idea where that smoking rope came from, and I was beginning to think there was no end to it.
Then came the liquid stuff and the whole backside of the shed was covered with it. That was when the dog next door saw me and started barking. I threw rocks, sticks, and what ever I could get my hands on and I hit him once or twice! That only caused him to howl more and made other dogs in the neighborhood start to howl. People started coming out of their homes to see what the dogs were barking at and wanted to know why their dogs were howling. Some people got close, but not close enough to see me.
I waited until things settled down before trying for the house. That was when I stepped in that stuff and slipped, landing you know where, and I tried to clean myself up a little, but that only made things worse.
I would have to leave my clothing and shoes out doors and tried to clean myself with the garden hose and the water was so damn cold I almost froze myself to death. I wanted the old girl to put her arms or something around me and help warm me up. But she said: No, I smelled so bad she didn’t even want to get close to me.
She gave me a blanket and sent me back out to the shed and said she would bring me some hot water and towels and clean clothing. But before I was restored to clean and fresh, it started all over again. It was a mad dash back to the house and the bath room and the stool and I stayed setting on the stool for hours. The old girl handed me the plunger so I could keep things flowing.
I was praying that the sewer system could handle everything and that it didn’t back up into the house. This is when I heard the first of the thundering, but it wasn’t thunder I heard! It was a gas explosion that came from down the street a few blocks, the sewer had blown up. Fire trucks, ambulances, heavy equipment for all emergencies came,
People from around the city wanted to see what happened and had caused traffic jams. The only way in or out was by helicopter and only one place to land them. It was a flat top roof on a garage a block away.
The sky had become dark and had turned a khaki gray color and most of the birds that were flying around were falling from the sky, all were dead. They were trying to evacuate this whole part of the town, but with the traffic jams it was almost impossible.
Superman, Spiderman, Batman and Robin were sent for, but they couldn’t be found. The President closed all Government offices and Momma Oboma sat down and wrote a letter to the third grade class in Billings, Montana, asking for suggestions. Washington DC called the National Guards together and sent them with huge blower fans to blow this Gas out across the Atlantic ocean. The English people accused the U.S.A. of trying to start another war.
And this all started because a nurse asked a patient if he took a shit today and what it was like?
By; Ben R.
Health care given by a special nurse. And I get this once a week. The routine is, she takes you pulse, counts your reparations. Checks your blood pressure, Takes your temperature . Listens to your heart and lungs and then come a thousand questions!
This goes on for any where from fifteen minutes to an hour, and then that one big question, “Did You”? A lot of people feel uncomfortable in answering this and some are even embarrassed. You were taught not to use bad words when you were young and this is one of the worst. What ever the answer is, you say it softly and mumbled so no one can really hear what you said. Some people are satisfied with you saying yes or know, but others want you to give a description or detailed information on it from the color to how much it weighed.
Then there are those that will use a cute way of asking you or maybe a code word like, Did you make a deposit today or Did you visit the sand-man today? There is no limit to the things I have heard and some I was never able to figure them out. But make no mistake, they will question you until you give an answer they will accept. I had decided that when I was ask again, I would give a story worthy of the Nobel prize and this is the way it went:
I had taken a laxative at bed time and slept well through the night. Early that next morning I felt that I needed to have a bowl movement, but it was mostly gas. This gas contained ether, methane, and a couple more strains of gas that the war department have been trying to create to kill the enemy. I was going to make a mad dash for the bath room. but someone had beaten me to it. I waited while this person humed tones, and splashed water around in the bath tub and done a hundred other things before they vacated the bath room.
Being it was the only bath room in the house, I had to go outside, out behind the shed,where there were ladders and a number of other items were stored. I position a ladder so my rear end hung down through the rungs and turned it lose. Man did that ever hurt, first I strained and grunted and groaned, until that first hard ball passed, then I blacked out for a bit. Now the second one was on it’s way. It was even bigger and harder, this one damn near killed me. But this wasn’t the end as yet. They came like the ripples of the water on a lake. There were more balls of fire and they got smaller as they were dropping to the ground. I have no idea where that smoking rope came from, and I was beginning to think there was no end to it.
Then came the liquid stuff and the whole backside of the shed was covered with it. That was when the dog next door saw me and started barking. I threw rocks, sticks, and what ever I could get my hands on and I hit him once or twice! That only caused him to howl more and made other dogs in the neighborhood start to howl. People started coming out of their homes to see what the dogs were barking at and wanted to know why their dogs were howling. Some people got close, but not close enough to see me.
I waited until things settled down before trying for the house. That was when I stepped in that stuff and slipped, landing you know where, and I tried to clean myself up a little, but that only made things worse.
I would have to leave my clothing and shoes out doors and tried to clean myself with the garden hose and the water was so damn cold I almost froze myself to death. I wanted the old girl to put her arms or something around me and help warm me up. But she said: No, I smelled so bad she didn’t even want to get close to me.
She gave me a blanket and sent me back out to the shed and said she would bring me some hot water and towels and clean clothing. But before I was restored to clean and fresh, it started all over again. It was a mad dash back to the house and the bath room and the stool and I stayed setting on the stool for hours. The old girl handed me the plunger so I could keep things flowing.
I was praying that the sewer system could handle everything and that it didn’t back up into the house. This is when I heard the first of the thundering, but it wasn’t thunder I heard! It was a gas explosion that came from down the street a few blocks, the sewer had blown up. Fire trucks, ambulances, heavy equipment for all emergencies came,
People from around the city wanted to see what happened and had caused traffic jams. The only way in or out was by helicopter and only one place to land them. It was a flat top roof on a garage a block away.
The sky had become dark and had turned a khaki gray color and most of the birds that were flying around were falling from the sky, all were dead. They were trying to evacuate this whole part of the town, but with the traffic jams it was almost impossible.
Superman, Spiderman, Batman and Robin were sent for, but they couldn’t be found. The President closed all Government offices and Momma Oboma sat down and wrote a letter to the third grade class in Billings, Montana, asking for suggestions. Washington DC called the National Guards together and sent them with huge blower fans to blow this Gas out across the Atlantic ocean. The English people accused the U.S.A. of trying to start another war.
And this all started because a nurse asked a patient if he took a shit today and what it was like?
By; Ben R.
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