"Things that are living in your closet"

One day my wife says to me, something in your closet smells really bad,

go check it out.  After hearing this for months, I decided to do this. I was removing things on the closet floor, when I heard someone say “Ouch” . I wasn’t sure so I continued removing stuff. Again I heard someone say ouch and then “Can’t you be more careful in what you are doing?”

That was when I said “who is in there? Who are you?  The voice said: I Am all the bad things you have said in the past and all the bad things you have done.  I said: what are you talking about? The voice answered with saying, How many of your friends like you, and how many think you are the best guy ever? I replied: all of them. And the voice said: do you know why? It is because when you go out, I stay hidden here in this closet with all those bad thing about you. So that is why they think  you are so great.

Then I asked: do you ever take a bath? The voice said why, if you can’t see me how can you smell me. And if you can see me, I’ll take a bath. I said okay: you stay right here and I’ll get my wife and see if she can smell you.  She came and sniffed around, then she asked, do you hang the shirts you wear, back in your closet? I said yeas, they are still clean, she said yes but they do smell. She followed that with saying, I want to hang some of my things in your closet and I don’t want them to smell, so from now on, put them in the laundry. I said: Yes Dear!

That was fifteen years ago, now my closet is full of her stuff but she says it is still my closet. Everything I have is folded and is in a dresser drawers, well in a couple of the drawers, she is using three of them. Time on earth is measured in years. Time with a wife, has no word for it. Good times are measured in minutes, bad times never end.

Life could have been better if you had not used these words, “Yes” and or “I Do” If you want to stay young, stay single.  Maybe you should start looking at grave markers and burial plots. For me, I feel young at heart and I have no voice and my hearing has gone,  But she is still talking.

By: Ben R.    

Jan. 6, 2013