"Tooth brushes, Toothaste & Toothpicks"

These are some of the things you might need for good oral hygiene, you will need to have some teeth in order use these items.

But where do you stop, if you only have half a mouth full of these crusher or choppers, as some would call them, do you think that TOOTH brushes, or TOOTH paste and TOOTH picks, will be necessary  if you only have two or three teeth left in your mouth?

 

You had baby teeth that you lost as a child and then you grew a permeant set of teeth, they came free at the start and it was up to you to take real good care of them, but candy and sweets were so good, as you know sweets are great for bribing kids.

The permeant set of teeth were supposed to serve you for life. Neglect them and you will be starting a long time relationship with a Dentist and there are so many to choose from.  They can work miracles as long as you have money to spend. Who can say, just how much that million dollar smile will cost you, but you will have them for the rest of your earth time to enjoy and use.

What about some of us people that have no teeth or money to spend for replacements. We can only eat soft foods, while we set and watch you and others eat Steak Apples or Corn on the cob and all that good stuff like raw carrots, celery. Yeah, I know, we can have all of this also as long as it is crushed, mashed, strained through a sieve or pounded to a pulp.

Remember when you heard that George Washington, chopped down that cherry tree! Did you ever hear why he did it?  He had some teeth made out of the wood.  While they were carving, they made some tooth picks and chop-sticks also. Did you didn’t know, that George invented them.  George was a thrifty person, he used the cherry blossoms to make toilet water for the ladies also. His whisky sales were down so he had to do something to earn a living, The Smith brothers were giving old George some real competition.

By; Ben R.

July 2014

 

" Big Foot "

Not the one everyone wants to see and learn more about, but the one that is always stepping on your toes.  Ouch! Watch where you are going, don’t track on my clean floor, 

Wipe your feet before you come in here, Are those shoes specially made for you?  Where do you dock them and do you need a tug boat to help! 

Are you hiding something in them? Will those things fit in a car or between the rows of seats in a theater?  Your feet are over the line, please stand behind the line!

Are you able to come a little closer?  They looks like they can be used as tent poles. I’ll bet it takes a long time and a can of polish to make them things shine.

                                           ~~~~~~~~

Yes, big feet are not wanted by anyone, yet most feet are bigger than what you desire and that is why you always buy shoes that are too small and hurt your feet.

Where do you put them when you take them off and go to bed at night?

You always go for, how do they look and not how they feel. And the manufactures do their best to keep the prices high. Those people that design women’s shoes, know that the design needs to be changed as often as possible, because that keeps the money circulating, they have tried everything, with the exception of painting the women’s foot, and its coming.  What colors would you like? Have you noticed what they are doing to toe nails and finger nails lately?

Transparent shoes have been available for some time, they just haven’t caught on yet. Most people have, what is call Hammer toes, that is a toe that is not straight, and they grew crocked because you wore shoes that were too small. Some shoes are designed to draw ones eye away from this condition.  Should going barefoot, be against law and be punishable, with a fine? Like, when not wearing a helmet when riding on a Motor Cycle?  By: 

 

Ben R,    

July 2014

" Mud puddles and Kids"

Many years ago, I lived in a house close to a vacant lot and it was located on a downhill slope. One day I heard a number of children

Laughing and hollering and having a fun time. It had rained for several day days and the ground was wet and muddy. The laughter had went on for the longest time, so I decided to see what was going on.

I approached the area and found maybe seven or eight children, each covered with mud from head to toe!  I ask one of the older girls, well I think it was a girl, what are you doing?  She replied, we are making our skin beautiful.  “What, I ask,” you don’t look very beautiful to me!  She said: that comes later.  Apparently they had overheard some women talking about facials and mud baths.

They all wore clothing, but it was hard to tell what it was, you couldn’t tell where skin or clothing began or ended.  I stood there and watches as they through mud at each other, one little girl or boy, was standing there crying as he or she picked up a handful of mud and splattered another kid with it, then he or she laughed and laughed. I just stood there wishing that I could join them. 

Mud and kids have been one thing that has always went together since earth, rain and kids have been around. This made me thing of a time as a teenager, I was going to escort a young & pretty girl, to a dance. We were about to cross a muddy street and she couldn’t get across without getting her feet and shoes dirty. So as a gentleman would, I picked her up to carry her to the other side. About half way across, my feet and legs separated and causing me to set down in the center of a very muddy street. She just sat there, on top of me and laughed and laughed. We had to return to her home, and find something for me to wear and get myself cleaned up.

Another time, coming home from work, my car got stuck in the mud and it was late in the night. I had to jack up the car to put tire chains on the tires and that made me muddier than the mud itself. Having finished with the chains, now I couldn’t get into the car being so muddy, had to strip off all my clothing and drive the rest of the way home, naked. My clothing was so covered in mud, I had to put it in the trunk of the car.

 Arriving at home. The family was still awake, and I had to get someone to bring me something to put on, in order to get into the house and take a bath.

You can believe me when I say, it is better to play in the mud as a child than to find yourself in Mud trouble.

 

By; Ben R.

June 2014

" My Shadow and I"

Me, and my Shadow have been companions for as long as I can remember. Shadow has been with me, be it in front, behind or on my side, he is like a sun dial that moves with time. He has never made any requests or ask for pay, for his services. He has gone through thick and thin, Heat & cold, Wind, Rain, Hail and Storms, with me, at their worst, never to complain. There have been good times and bad times, but he was always there.

I never had to provide food, clothing, shelter or anything, for him, as required by we, the partners of our shadows. He has always been very quiet and never disorderly at any time. Shadow has never remarked about any of my mistakes or commented on what I should have done or suggested what I should do. No Friend, Relative or Family member could be trusted or as cooperative as my shadow.

If I wake during the night, he is there, the only time I do not see him, is in, pitch dark of night. Everyone has a Shadow, how often do you pay tribute to him or her? No shadow has a name, they all weight the same although some are large and some are small.

Sometimes they can provide shade for a companion when the hot sun beats down on them. They are never in the way of anything you do. Their good deeds are never ending and yet you pay so little attention to your shadow. They are never a problem to you and will never leave you alone. He is almost like a pet dog, but physically, he cannot do the same things that your pet dog does.

Now you have two, that are the closest thing to perfection and they both belong to you, and don’t forget your spouse, of course you can’t own him or her, but you can order them around, but remember to duck!!

Please, try to take better care of them!

By: Ben R.

June 2014

"Along the banks of the river Phonda Lea"

 

You can find many things like, Old tires. Brush and fallen trees, Trash of almost any kind, car bodies. Pieces of destroyed homes, fences, every-thing except for a lost soul and broken hearts. What you see on them banks, could give you a full story of the life that was once flourishing up stream. 

Now, the population has diminished as no one wants to go through anything like this, again. No lives were lost this time, but no one in their right mind would want to experience this again.

If you are, or were in the salvage business, you might profit from what you can salvage along the banks. This reminds me of a story I read a long time ago. It was about an old beachcomber. He would walk up and down the beaches and make a fair living from the items he found.

 

Once that he had enough money, he bought himself a metal detector and he struck it rich. Within a short time on a beach, he could earn himself a thousand dollars or more in a short time. It was all free, as no one could claim it and he wasn’t breaking any laws.

He had been in business long enough to have a number of other shops that would buy his findings. He had an old beach hut, but he lived in a fabulous apartment building with beautiful grounds and he employed a maid and a cook. He was living like a king. People carry expensive thing to the beach as they really don’t want to leave them in their cars for someone to steal. Then they forget them or lose them.

One day, the old boy found a bottle on the beach that had washed up on shore. He took it to his hut. He put it in a corner and forgot about it. One day an intruder entered his hut and all he found was this bottle. He popped the cork and out came this mean but very beautiful girl. For setting her free, she would grant him one wish. Now you are thinking you have heard this story before, but you are wrong!  The girl was so beautiful, the guy had a heart attack and died right there. Since the girl didn’t grant the guys wish, she had to return to the bottle and the cork was put back in the bottle.

 

Well, a huge storm came up that night and water from a flood, washed the hut and the bottle back out to sea and the hut and the bottle sank to the bottom of the ocean floor and has been there since. But the old beachcomber found himself a girl, ever-bit as beautiful as the one in the bottle. They made mad love every night and the old guy just couldn’t handle it, he died of a heart problem and the beautiful girl inherited the, fortune he left behind.

 

But she never got to keep it. She bought a small yacht and went on a long cruse, when she came back to her home port, the IRS was waiting for her, it seems that she had not filed an income tax form, for the past six years and they wanted to know why. Come to find out, the old beachcomber never reported his income on or for his findings either. The IRS will even stick their noses into fairy tales also, so you just can’t win.

 

Take my advice and get yourself on Welfare, it is the only way to prosperity, and you can live like a king! As for myself, I am over the legal age and don’t have any taxable income and for that reason, I need not file again. The smartest thing I ever done was to grow old.

by; Ben R.

June 2014

"It's hard to act young when you are old

It’s hard to act young when you are old,

Act your age, stop acting like a child, how old are you anyway? I have heard something like this most of my life! Have you ever been told to stop acting like a child and why do children always want to be older? The truth is, those child hood years are the best years of one’s life, just try to tell that to a teenager.

Have you noticed, how a teenager always wants to start a job at the top of the salary ladder and go up from there? If you, an older worker, are earning $15.00 an hour the teenager wants $30.00 an hour. They have never had a job before and don’t know anything and can’t do anything, yet they think they are worth more money! 

They say, to stay young, you have to think young, but thinking and being young are two different things. We all put on a few pounds when we slow down and doctors will tell you to do two things to prevent it. First they tell you to stop smoking that is the standard thing. Then comes, lose weight. Have you noticed that it is always the thin young Doctors, which have never had this problem, is always telling you this?  If you have gained enough weight so that you haven’t been able to bend over and tie you shoes, you have a big-big problem. Welcome to my Group!

Back to being young. How much allowance did your parents give you, when you were growing up?  And are they still giving you an allowance? Paying your way through college or because you don’t have a job. You must be one of them rich kids. I never even knew there was an allowance that parents gave to their kids.

I had chores to do every day and I never even got a dime to go to a Saturday morning movie, we poor kids had to find old empty soft drink bottles and sell them or do some work for that dime to go to a movie.

Once at the movies, we had to sit and watch the rich kids eat their popcorn and candy bars.  Some parents gave big allowances to buy off their kids, it was called “Black mail”. If I was misbehaving, I received a lick or two with a leather strap or a stick. These days, parents will pay almost anything to not have a problem with their kids. Parents want to be loved, but they don’t know how to teach love.

Spanking was a way of life and if you didn’t get one or two a week, you have no idea what you missed.  These were things that built character, my character grew with redness and sore spots and I was a good kid.  Well, I thought I was!

I don’t remember of the girls ever getting spanked, but then, little angels are never punished. Could I have been the whipping post for them girls?

If Mother had a favorite, it sure wasn’t me. I always got the burnt piece of toast, the neck of the chicken, crumbs from the cake if there was any. Mom never spanked me, she just said: wait until you Father gets home and made me wait in the wood shed. When Dad got home, he had to rest for a few minutes and look at the daily paper. If he came to the wood shed feeling cranky, he was a bear. There was character in every blow and he would say, this hurts me more than it does you! Once, I almost said: than don’t do it!

The little Angles all went into their bedroom and covered their heads with pillows, so they didn’t have to hear me cry out. I wasn’t allowed to come back in the house until I had composed myself. Then no one would look me in the eye. I got so I enjoyed that part, as I knew they were feeling guilt. What was it that I done anyway. And was it all that bad? My father said I was lucky as his father used a whip on him. Grandma said he lied.

Dad, if you are reading this, pay no attention to

it !                                                                                  

By; Ben R.

June 2014

 

 

"The Big Race

“The Big Race”

Celebrating a big day was approaching and many events had been planned. The band would start on the east side, come down Main Street and stop In front of the Flat Land Hotel. Where a platform had been erected with seating for City officials and guest speakers.

First to speak, would be Pastor Simms, who would give the benediction and introduce the town Mayor, who always made a boring speech. Then the Ladies Club Representative would speak and then the Chief of Police. He is one of them guys who would like to put every citizen in jail, one day each month. Just to show his authority! The Guest speaker would be: “Old Blow Hard himself” State Congressman would speak!  He never knew when to stop talking and people suffered through everything he had to say!  His speech lasted so long, that some events had to be postponed until after lunch.

A local Beer distributor was providing all the cold beer you wanted to drink, along with lunch. The hour when the race was to start and the loud speakers called for all race participants to come to the starting line. At the sound of the gun, I was off and running.

We had to cross a field, go around a big Elm tree and back to the starting line. The grass was wet and mud made it slippery. I fell about a hundred yards from the big Elm, but back on my feet, I limped to the tree and set down in the shade. My hip hurt and the mussels in my legs were call for relief.  An ambulance was sent for me, but I declined as I was not going to forfeit the race.

After resting for a time, I was back on my feet and headed for the finish line. Arriving there, I was given a big hug from my wife and several pats on my back from spectators.  It seems that I was the winner of the race and at age eighty five, that was conceded to be a great accomplishment, not to mention that the Cold Beer had taken its toll, and I was the only contestant in the Race!

Want to know what I won. There was nothing in the box!

By: Ben R.

June 2014

" Help Needed

Help Needed,

As the end grows near, well not the near. I have been sending out feelers to find where the best place is for me. What I have found out is very disturbing. No one wants me! Heaven has no vacancies and there are no hard cases allowed down below as reservations have been processed from a very large number of you.

No place for me, this is somewhat surprising! I am so good natured and a barrel of laughter and fun and I require very little care and can be handled roughly, no need for kid gloves. Some days, I do not eat anything, I make my own bed, but I do require the prettiest girl over twenty years of age. To help me wash behind my ears and between my toes. I am told that I do snore, but it is done very quietly and I would doubt if you would ever hear it.

I am able to pay my own way, but I do not like to travel because of my nasty end problems, which are offensive, even to myself. My quarters must be close to a bathroom in case of an emergency and toilet tissue must be kept on hand and Laundry service is mandatory.

Anyone want to collect some money for care giving to an older citizen? Silver dollars are fun to hold and count! They have that certain sound that really gets ones attention. I like to bite on them when in pain. You can’t find anything better on a windy day, to hold you down, than a pocket full of silver dollars.

I promise, I won’t make any promises that you and I don’t like to promise!

By; Ben R.

June of 2014

"Floating down the Creek"

Floating down the creek,

Floating down the creek on a patched enter tub, was one of the most fun things to do in the summer time. When that became too easy, you looked for water that was swifter and deeper. Now you have grown into a professional and you are surfing the oceans and the wild rivers of the land.  You’ve heard about clubs and how they participate in competition and you are now on your way to surf down one of the wildest rivers in the USA.

No name are to be given of where these locations are, until relatives of the bodies found, are notified. Yes, one of the group is missing and a search is in progress. Days have gone by and no sign of a body has been found as yet.

The number of these accidents can be tenfold across the country on any given day, in the summer months.  In one place, they installed a net and recovered seven bodies in one day. Not one fish was found in the net, I wonder why?

Four of the bodies were all tangled together, they must have been Democratic and Republicans Senators, as they each had their hands in someone else’s pockets!  One was a women that served on the local City Console, it looked like someone set her wagon on fire. One was a little guy, could have been an Elf from the South Pole. Note; I said the South pole. It was near impossible to tell much about the last guy, He still had a big smile on his face

 Do you still think this would be a fun sport, and that you will be able to win over the violence of old Mother Nature?  When she is angry she becomes very angry and destructive. One has to be a bit retarted to put their family in a boat or on a raft and shoot the rapids, on a river like the wild Colorado River, and there are others!

 If someone in your family needs to be baptized, do in a church baptismal, where it is safe.  Of course some people only take a bath, maybe once or twice a year and it will take a strong current to loosen the crust, and chip it away.  Finding white skin under all that dirt and scales is often a reason to celebrate. That is, if you are more than a little involved with a certain person. 

 Have you any idea just how many empty bathing suites are found floating down a stream or a river? Most of them fit so tight, how can one be lost. Yet, there are others that have so little material, they can hardly be seen. Must be because, there is more fun, than what meets the eye, on some outings. Hey, wait for me, I want to have some fun also!

Rain, rain, everywhere and I don’t have a suit, a boat or an enter tube.  I do have a beach towel that has never been we used. I laid it on the grass once, for a moon light lunch, but the girl refused to lay down on it. Said it wasn’t proper for a lady to do things like that. That was okay with me, I ate all the sandwiches, chicken, salads and other stuff by myself, while she "walked herself home."

 The Fourth of July is just around the corner. What are you going to bring in your food basket? I don’t care for wine, but cold beer would be nice! Bring along an umbrella to keep the sun off my back, I burn so easily.

By: Ben R.
June 20. 2014

" Shoes for Kids "

Subject: Shoes- Shoes for Kids.

 

My Dad used to buy shoes for me at $5.00 to 6.00 dollars a pair. They lasted long enough to be handed down to the next in line many times. The soles were the first to show any ware and it was a hole about the size of a quarter, in the sole. A piece of cardboard would cover it for a brief time until it could be half soled by a shoe maker. This usually cost two or three dollars and lasted for years to come. The rest of the shoe remained in good shape.

 

It was always, a lace up shoe, with six or seven or more eyelets with shoe strings. Even the girls wore these shoes unless it was a Sunday dress up day. Then it was a black leather slipper with a one buckle strap. There wasn’t much too them, that is why they were only worn on Sundays.

 

As a young kid, I was always off to someplace, down the street or the other side of town, always curious as to what was going on around the town. My parents tried everything to keep me close to home. They let me go without shoes. But my feet were soon celeste hard like leather and I was off again. Mother even put small smooth stones in my shoes to slow me down, then she would tie the shoe laces in tight knots so I couldn’t undo them. But it took so long for her to get the knots untied, in the evening, so she stopped doing that.

 

The stones hurt my feet, so I would lay on my back with my feet up in the air, to get the stones to fall out. Mother always said, you have a brain, use it, so I did!

 

Today, shoes will cost any-where from eighty to a hundred and eighty dollars and upward, if one can afford them. Leather and canvas was used in all shoes back then, now they are made out of everything and some only last long enough to be worn a few times. Some have heals so high, if you fall you might break a leg. Some girls dance in them and I never understand how the can do that? They must only dance on their toes.

 

The first really good pair of shoes I ever had were the ones I received in the Navy. I have stuck with that type of shoe, most of my life. Once I had a pair of wooden shoes, like the Dutch people wore. I wore them in water when collecting pretty stones from creeks and one floated away never to be seen again. The other shoe was placed on a mantle, over the fire place, as a decoration, for years to come. Where ever it is now, I have no idea!

 

Shoes come and shoes go, while the sales people enjoy the profits, But Kids are around forever and some never do grow up to be  responsible adults. Like myself, I am somewhere between eighty and one hundred and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!

 

By; Ben R . 

June 19, 2014

Winter Fun,

Winter Fun,

Winter means snow and snow means fun, that is, after you have spent two days of moving the stuff out of the way.  Now your back hurts so bad, you can hardly move. Laying in a hot bath socking, only made the other pains hurt more! Your are too damn old to go out and help the kids build a snowman, There is no more good stuff in the bottle, to warm your insides and you have already drank a full pot of coffee and you know how hard it will be to get your snowsuit off, when you have to go!  

Eggnog would be good, but you can’t remember how to make it and if the kids know you have it, they will all be right back in the house. Better forget that idea and find something to read.  Remember that book you just received in the mail, the one on Income tax filing, maybe you should start reading up on that stuff. I think there is a chapter, on how to make a bad day worse.   

You keep wondering what is worse, paying the government all that money or having all those little tax deductions. Remember, if you have to pay money, it is only the one time and the deductions are for years to come.  You don’t get to keep any of your earnings no matter which way you go. Also remember, when you first spoke of being in love and getting married ?  All of your friends told you, “ you’ll be sorry! You let all those other little things pass, but this paying taxes is serious stuff. 

How many things is there now, that you can no longer do, since you married? Painful to think about, isn’t it? It would have been a lot cheaper to have paid for the love of a women. But the woman wiggled her butt and rubbed it up against you and purred like a kitten and of course Your were weak like most men are. You said you wanted a girl just like your mother. But you never dreamed that you mother was all that bad.

Remember that talk, you never had, with your Father, you were too much in a hurry and now you will regret it. You never thought that your friends knew what they were talking about, but they all had a talk with their father’s.

Oh-oh, here they come, all eight of them and you will not be able to get into the bath room until late afternoon. Better put your coat and hat on and drive down to the service station.  Maybe you should stop by “Joe’s Place” and see what the boys are doing!  Hey, they look to be having a great time, one little beer with them, won’t hurt anything. Now you have missed lunch, dinner and the bartender wants to close up.  Did you remember to have a designated driver?

It’s cold outside and looks to have snowed another six or so inches. You can’t tell which car is yours. As you are removing snow from the cars, a patrol car pulls up along side of you. You are lucky, both officers know you and offer to drive you home. Once inside you find your wife waiting.

She is very angry and spiting fire when she talks. She tells you that her brother and his girl friend came to dinner, He acted as one of Santa’s helpers and help to get the kids all tucked in. Then she stomped off to bed while you made yourself a cup of instant coffee, was was really bad.  

Up the stairs you go, almost falling backwards a number of times, The bed room door handle wouldn’t turn, she had locked it from the inside!  On the way back downstairs, you missed that first step and found yourself on the floor at the bottom of the steps. Oh. That pain was back again. You make it to the living room sofa and put a cushion under your head. 

You wake the following morning and do not recognize where you are. You pound your head with the heal of your hand and shake it a bit.  You look out the window and think to yourself, I’ve seen this place before.  In a few more minutes you remember, this is where you lived when you were single. You must have ha a bad dream.

You spent the day watching foot ball games on TV and went to bed. Early the next morning, there was  knock on your door, you open it to find a distinguished looking gentleman standing there, he tips his hat and hands you an envelope, than tips his hat again and walks away

You have been served with a summons to appear in Court. But for what?

Was that a Dream you had, or was it? 

By; Ben R.  

Dec, 18, 2013  

Day after Christmas report,

Day after Christmas reports,

It was really sad when we heard that Frosty had disappeared, But this morning I had a message from my brother in Connecticut, that Jack Frost had died.  He had frozen solid on an aluminum storm door, in Manchester Connecticut.  He apparently was trying to get the door open so he could warm his hands and fingers. 

This seams to be a day for bad news, Santa was delivering toys some where over New Galas, his slay hit something really hard and went down scattering toys all over the New Galas aria. There has been no word if

Old Santa had completed his rounds, or not !  A VERY MERRY Christmas, to all the children in that area.

After having dinner, we all sat and listened to Christmas songs on the radio, when it was reported that a “DC 999 Texas Air“ passenger plane was missing in that same area. When searching for that Airplane, Air Force One was found on one of the  Hawaiian Islands, in the Pacific.

It was parked along the side of a hut and they tried to camouflage it so it couldn’t be seen from the air. Who knows what that man from Washington, is up to now? His office said: He was at a Family reunion!        

The dogs and birds all started to acting up on, Christmas Eve, when Santa was supposed to be here, he didn’t stop, he just went on to his next scheduled stop for milk and cookies.  Did you ever wonder why the big guy was so fat? People have reported that they make fudge and all kinds of cookies for treats at Christmas time, and when the fat boy has been there and gone, most everything goes with him!  This is why he always uses the door when he leaves. 

Santa lost his long time Elf Leader, “Wolff” He went to Florida with Old Nick one year and decided to stay there.  No, it wasn’t because the rent was cheaper, it had something to do with girls!  Why is it, when there is a problem some where it has something to do with girls? Remember what the Easter Bunny did?  Now there are little bunnies rabbits everywhere. This is what happens when a word is misspelled, the word was to communicate and they thought it said, formicate. 

Well , enough of that, I’m getting cold, and I am going back to where the Sun shines.  Remember, if you have gifts to exchange, you have to be there early or you won’t have a good selection.

Those Pink panties, that you gave me, are just too damn large, they were for a larger elephant and they were not water proof.

See you next Year, but not at Christmas, I am going on an extended vacation with a friend.

Ben R.

Dec, 28, 2013